Relationship Advice Column

Question #1: “So there was this guy, I talked to for two years. It was a weird “situationship” because we were very intimate but never took the steps to actually be together. Earlier this year, I told him about my feelings for him and he told me that he didn’t care for me in the same way but assured me, that “only time would tell”. Although that seemed so cliché, I interpreted it as maybe one day we will be together. He left for Basic Training in May, and left me holding on to the dream of us being together. Once he graduated from Basic Training he proceeded to tell me about a new girl he’d developed feelings for. As much as this bothered me, I couldnt seem to let him go because I cared for him so much. I want him to be happy but I also want my own happiness with him. What should I do?”

RESPONSE: I think your situationship was more of a“friends with benefits” situation. When you professed the feelings you had for him and he told you he didn’t care, only confirms that he doesn’t see the relationship going any further. He told you about his new love interest, after confessing those feelings even further confirms his non-commitment. That was his way of telling you that a real relationship with you isn’t what he wants. Even though you genuinely care about him, it’s probably best that you move on from him. As you go into new relationships in the future, it's critical to discuss exactly what you want out of the relationship to avoid another situation like this.

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QUESTION #2: “My boyfriend doesn't give me as much attention as I want. It mostly happens when we're apart. He doesn't text me much throughout the day, and I'm the one who always initiates contact (text, FaceTime, etc). How do I ask for more attention without sounding needy?”

RESPONSE: You can simply ask for more attention without sounding needy as long as it's reasonable. It all depends on how frequent and to what extent you want attention, because you could come off as being needy and clingy. If you can’t go more than a few hours than, you might be a little unreasonable. Another tip is to explain to him, with good reason, why you would like that attention. For example… saying you NEED to talk to him every hour to make sure he’s still interested in you wouldn’t be a good reason. Maybe he’s just not affectionate and if that’s the case it may be harder to change that, and if that’s not something you can handle, than it'll definitely probably be easier to leave instead of trying to change a person.

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QUESTION #3: “Me and this girl were dating but before we started dating, her best friend and I hooked up. She doesn't know but it’s really awkward whenever the three of us are are around one another.. Should I tell my girlfriend about it or keep it to myself?

RESPONSE: This is a tough one. Usually, I would say just keep the past in the past but if it's really bothering you to the point where your discomfort is obvious when you, your girlfiend, and her friend are together, then informing your girlfriend would be best. Let her know that it happened before you and her got serious and that you only wanted to tell her to clear the air. She might be the type to get upset at both of you for not letting her know, because after all, that is supposed to be her close friend, but once she hears the truth, she shouldn’t be mad because it did happen before you met her, and you can’t change the past.

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QUESTION #4:” I knew a girl that acquainted one of her friends with my close friend. The girl would come to me for relationship advice whenever they were going through issues and eventually, I could tell that she started feeling me. She came to me with her issues so often, that eventually, I started realizing that she was the type of girl I was looking for and plus I knew my friend wasn’t treating her right. Fast-forward a few months later, we took a trip the beach, and my friend wasn’t able to go but his girlfriend did. It wasn’t anything too serious but we ended up cuddling together one night and falling asleep. The next day her boyfriend, my friend, was mad at her and she somehow thought it was because he found out what had happened between us, so she got scared and told him everything. Right after that, we ended up talking about it and she explained that she had feelings for me but she loved him. I had feelings for her too but I knew it wouldn’t work. The next time they had problems she ended up running back to me. She was hinting that she wanted to mess around on the low, and even sent me pictures. They had broken up, but eventually got back together about a month later and she let him read the messages we sent each other. He text me this long paragraph saying how this was the second time something had happened between me and his girl and if I wanted to continue kickin’ it with him, I needed to let him know what was up with me and his girl. My friend and I cleared the air, but how should I handle his girlfriend if she continues to come on to me?

RESPONSE: With this particular situation, she played you. She knew how close you and your friend were from the beginning but that didn’t stop her. In all honesty, did you really think that was the type of girl you needed in your life? Every chance she had, she wasted no time throwing you under the bus.

People like her, you really should watch out for. It doesn’t matter that your friend wasn’t treating her the way you thought he should, because it’s not your responsibility to swoop in and save the day. It only makes things worse and more complicated. You should handle future situations by simply ignoring them and/or letting your friend know if their girlfriend tries to come on to you. This will let your friends know that their girlfriends cant be trusted, and that you aren’t being a fake friend, and know that if you really value your friendship with your bros, dont entertain stuff like this ever again.

#Love #lifestyle #Relationships #Heartbreak