Love and Insanity

When writing this I wanted to make it feel like a page ripped from my diary, if I had one. This is a true post about something I’m sure many of you can relate to, commitment-phobia. Even though it won’t be found in the DSM-5 or any other psych diagnostic manual it’s a very real and in some cases extreme experience and anxiety.

According to Albert Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result”.

When it comes to the relationships in my life, I feel like I go through the same cycle of events: I would befriend a guy, we’d start “talking” or dating, the guy would want to establish a more official relationship, I’d hesitate on the idea, and then the guy slowly moves on. In the end, I’m always hurt by the fact that they move on because I want a “best of both worlds” situation: to be the only one given attention by the guy and to do all of the things that come with a relationship, but without a title. Does that sound immature? I think, yes.

The other day, I was talking to a friend about my most recent situation, and he told me that most guys are willing to wait if they’re really into you, but they won’t wait forever.

In my mind, there was never anything to “wait on”. I wasn’t contemplating about the situation or trying to sort things out. I decided from the beginning that an official relationship was not what I wanted. A self-diagnosis of “Commitment-phobia” was my excuse, but I’d quickly brushed it off as time would progress with a guy, especially if I knew I really liked him.

But still, I’d make the guys I meet, “wait” because I liked the idea of falling in love. I genuinely liked the ones I met, but couldn’t for the life of me figure out why it was so hard for to commit. Whenever I wasn’t involved with someone, I wanted to be in a relationship, but as soon as an opportunity was presented, I jetted. I’d search high and low for an excuse as to why it wouldn’t work. Saying things like “Now isn’t the right time” when actually, It was never the right time.

If I continue to repeat the same relationship cycle over and over and expecting different results, I might as well consider myself insane. Fortunately, I’ve been making progress and I’m at the point in my life to know that in order to benefit from a relationship, I should work on my commitment issues. I do believe that I might have missed out on what could’ve been great relationships, but I’m hopeful that I’ll get it right the next time.

This is very common so if you can relate, there’s almost absolutely nothing to worry about. HOWEVER, if your commitment phobia is so extreme to the point where its keeping you from even THINKING about pursuing any kind of relationship at all, counseling or psychotherapy should definitely be considered.

#love #lifestyle #Relationships